nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
