I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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