If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
