I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I want to walk on stilts...naked
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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