I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
