id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
soo... how was my night?
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