"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
