I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
