Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize