the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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