she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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