Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
