on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
