When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
