i would punch a child for taco bell
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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