Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
