So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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