Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
