I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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