just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize