Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
