he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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