i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
