maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
