just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
