I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
