Sry I called you an 8
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
