have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
