the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
