my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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