So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
