You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
