YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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