Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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