i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
