Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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