my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He passed out mid-signature
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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