I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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