he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
