I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
