her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
