Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
