FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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