I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
