Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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