Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
