i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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