No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
