well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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