I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
