I cut my penus on the lid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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