You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
