hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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