I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize