If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
