that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
