Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
