alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
