when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
