he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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