i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
