I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
