Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
