p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
