I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
