Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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