I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
