Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wear drunk well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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